Here We Go Again

Here’s how it goes down:

Me: Hello.

Commander: Hello! What was a nice boy like you doing in jail?

Me: Well, I’m a pacifist.

C: Oh. Oh, I see. Oh. [type type type]

M: Yeah… So, I’d like to be given a Conscience Committee.

C: We’ll check a few things and get back to you. Wait outside.

M: [wait wait wait].

C: Come on back in!

M: Nu?

C: We checked a few things.

M: Ok.

C: It seems that you’re request was denied for certain reasons.

M: Like what?

C: You didn’t meet the criteria.

M: What criteria?

C: That we can’t tell you.

M: Oh. Ok. So can I see a committee?

C: What we’ll have you do is this– you’ll do basic training, won’t even have to pick up a gun, and then we’ll reconsider.

M: No. I refuse to do basic training. I refuse to take part in this system. Is there anyone else I can talk to?

C: You know, we have no choice but do use our army like we do.

M: Right, right, “the army is against violence.” Will I be able to see a committee?

C: Wait outside.

M: [wait wait wait].

Soldier: Moriel Rothman?

M: Yep.

Soldier: Come with me.

M: Where are we going, to a Committee?

S: You’re going to go through the “chain of soldierization” (sharsheret hiul, shots, pictures, uniforms, numbers, practice wrestling match against a wild boar).

M: [sigh]. Nope, I’m not.

S: Just come with me, you can tell them whatever you want.

M: Ok.

Soldier takes me to, you guessed it, the Weirdos Room. There I am told I will see one more commander, and he will decide what to do with me. Ok. Meanwhile, I start chatting with the other folks in the weirdo room, encouraging them, telling them to remember not to be afraid, that they are stronger than the system.

And then, again, I am taken to the Grumpy White Man.

GWM: You again?

M: Yep. [i give him my letter again requesting a committee].

GWM: I see that the army already denied your request, so you have your answer.

M: I must say, I think it’s ridiculous that the army is so set on forcing those opposed to violence to join its ranks.

GWM: I think that you’re… That you’re ridiculous! You need to put on a uniform, and then they’ll deal with your little issues!

M: But that’s my issue: I don’t want to put on a uniform.

GWM: A shame, a shame. I’m putting you under arrest. Good luck.

M: Hey, you too. [wink (subtly), walk out].

I will find out how long I’m in for this time tonight. Cue: Norah Jones– “here we go again.”