Jerusalem (Tisha B’Av Edition with “Professional Assistance”)

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Jerusalem

your sidewalks are so soft

they feel like used mattresses

Jerusalem

even the most shmeagoly of your pigeons

Let’s try not to mention food while fasting

is a like metaphor for like peace

Jerusalem

I once plucked a pigeon but that was before

Jonathan Safran Foer turned me vegetarian  See comment above

Jerusalem

Yehuda Amichai wrote poems about your pigeons 

much better than I can

Today is a day for mournful, non-fauna-related poems only

Jerusalem

The other mourning I wandered your walls

with a lantern and a digital camera

and through the light and the lens

and the tourists pouring into the █████

I could see ████

through a crack in your ancient war wall.

Jerusalem

I think it’s weird how men often refer to you

like you are a █████

Jerusalem

You are not a █████

you are a city

Jerusalem

Do you agree that █████ shouldn’t

be referred to like they are cities

to walk on and █████ ██

and take by force and Thereby Unify

Jerusalem

Does the word ██████ make you uncomfortable?

Jerusalem

I want to grow an army of kids inside of your █████ and ████

Biblical caves

Jerusalem

I will send them to a BiUnilingual preschool

where they will learn both █████

and █████ Hebrew

Jerusalem

This morning the guard patriot didn’t let me in

to visit your Western Wall

because I was wearing a shirt that said

“We are all ██ ██████”

What is ██ ██████ he asked

And I told him it means:

We are all rabbits.

But so and despite my insistence that we were all

relatively harmless lettuce actually, you’re good on this one, we don’t really

count it as “food unless it once had legs and a mother heh heh eating mammals

he did not let us pass

Jerusalem

Do you have need a permit to build there?

Jerusalem

On your ███████ front it was quiet and

some men saw my shirt and said great!

May God grant you prosperity.

Come and  ███ with us (again: fasting here)

But we said no thank you, because often ███████s do not eat graze

upon heh heh enough leafy greens for our taste.

Jerusalem

What about the ███████s?

Jerusalem

There will be a demonstration today at four o’clock

It will begin at the █████ gate (For directions: www.police.gov.il)

and will end in disappointment

Jerusalem

Maybe I should grow a mustache

Jerusalem

I left my yarmulkeh and phylacteries

in Willamsburg laced in the rhythm

of Mr. ███████’s kaddish.

What would Maimonedes think

about the CityPass ExtraSmooth Light Rail?

Jerusalem

Would you fine Our Fine Sages of Blessed Memory

180 shekels if they could not work the ticket machine?

(Passage removed for unnecessary snarky sacreligiosity)

Jerusalem

I’m Sorry (apology accepted, tentatively). That wasn’t fair.

I just want██ █ ████

that ████ █████ ███ me squarely in the consensus.

Jerusalem

When will you stop learning and get a job?

When will you put on the a uniform like everyone else?

When will you stand at a ████████?

Jerusalem

When will succumb to your █████?

When will you expectorate spit us out?

Jerusalem, maybe if you stop eating for seventy five days then maybe they wil

let us out of █████ ███████

and tell you what you’re doing here.

Jerusalem

My writing hand has lost it’s cunning 

Which is mostly OK because

I am a Lefty

(Passage removed for unnecessary snarky sacreligiosity

& possible allusion to banned political orientation)

Jerusalem

We made the New York Times Antisemitic Dishrag’s headlines

Jerusalem

You are probably bored of poems

Jerusalem

You could use an intro to █████ Theory.

Jerusalem

I am hungry 

Let’s have a barbecue Jesus you don’t learn

Jerusalem

Let’s have pigeon Not Kosher: Not Tempting

Jerusalem

Pray for me

Jerusalem

The irony is always lost on you

Jerusalem

You don’t really want to go to ███ do you?

Jerusalem

Put a note in your wall for

Me and for █████ and for ██ ██████

And for yourself

Jerusalem

Fast pray with for us

Jerusalem

Pray

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