This New Year

Last year, I wrote this poem:

While I still sign on to much of what I said then, this year I am more confused than last year. I do not know if Two States is still feasible, and I have seen more of the horror and sadness of what it means for the occupation to continue, and I feel less compelled and more repelled by flags of any kind. The challenges I am facing are more direct, and the experiences I have had over the last year have both strengthened me and weighed me down; I am closer to the earth as I move, I think, slower, more solid. Which is good and not good and also good.

My beard is also, unfortunately, not much better than it was a year ago. I still have hope, though. On all fronts. And justice and love, yes it all still comes down to love and justice.

For this new year, I will affirm the majority of 22-year-old-me’s declaration, and add that I want to see Susiya stay standing, for the 918 Firing Zone to be cancelled, for the Bustan neighborhood in Silwan to remain the Bustan neighborhood, not some sick-sweet tourist site on the rubble of Palestinian homes as the municipality plans prescribe, for ELAD to begin to crumble, and the JNF too, for the torture of Silwan to be eased. I want more awareness of what is wrong, and more celebration of what is right. I want to see and hear more Arabic in the streets of Jerusalem and I want the violence that has lately been escalating on a local and national level to be recognized as the horrific collective illness that it is. I want hope to overflow, as silly as that often sounds. I want health and safety for those who I love, and for those who I do not love, and for those who I do not know. I want to pass through the my IDF-ordeals with a smile and and a wink and a peaceful calm. I want to learn some Yiddish. I want to meditate more. I want to have more parties on my roof and have my friends attacked less by hateful people and eat more veganly and laugh more and figure out a way to conquer sleep and to spend more time with people who are four or five. I want my words to be measured and filled with love and I want this place to be measure and filled with love and I this year I want measurement filled with love. May this year be filled with measure and with love.

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1

Moriel Rothman on September 21, 2012 at 14:14

תודה שרון! וואי אני ממש מתגעגע כבר. איך הולך?
2

sharon on September 21, 2012 at 05:04

מורי האהוב!
אמן אמן אמן לכל מה שכתבת, הלוואי…
3

Moriel Rothman on September 18, 2012 at 16:36

Hi Romany-

Wow! That is one of the wild things about this whole blog-bit– you have no idea who is reading what you write, and what impact it is having on any of them. I am amazed, moved and a bit surprised to hear that my hopefulness sneaks through into this blog. I think the act of writing helps me be more hopeful than I always feel- it feels like doing something, putting ink on paper, or… megabytes on pixels? I don’t understand computer-interwebs much, as evidenced in the previous sentence. Chipper anecdotes are generally not the subject of this blog, although there are a few ;) (https://thelefternwall.com/2012/02/01/pickles-from-grapes/).

Where are you these days?

Thank you so much for reaching out, Romany. It means a ton.

Sincerely,

Mori
4

Moriel Rothman on September 18, 2012 at 16:32

Hi Jonathan,

I thought we’d met! Lovely to have that affirmed. My tiny photo can be misleading. I am larger in real life. ;)

Welcome back home, and please do keep in touch, and keep well!

Sincerely,

Moriel
5

Moriel Rothman on September 18, 2012 at 16:31

Hi S.!

So, first off, thank you. This kind of kind support means so much to me. Next, I deeply resonate with what you say about two-states– I was also a fierce supporter before coming back. I still think it might be the best step forward, but I am, like you, less and less convinced that it is possible after witnessing some of the things you described (houses being destroyed, dignities being trampled). I honestly don’t know if two states will work, and I am filled with doubts about one state formulae… In short, I don’t know what should be, but something I figured out recently while dialoguing with a friend is that this “not knowing” is anything but paralyzing: Because I know, and I think that you do too, very very well what should NOT be. That is to say, while I don’t know whether there should be two states or one or three or whatever, I do know that folks’ houses should not be demolished, violence should never be normal or normalized, militarism and hypermasculinity should not guide societies, racism should not be, hate should not be. So, like a garden, if we can weed out all of these evil things then maybe there will be room in this little patch of soil for something bigger to happen/grow some day. MLK addressed the SCLC conference in 1964 by saying that “there are no broad highways” or ”quick solutions” ahead, and ”it would be irresponsible” to say there are. (pp. 488, Pillar of Fire, by Taylor Branch). Works here, too, I’d say.

Also: “caging someone else with bars and walls doesn’t mean you’re not in a cage too,” Amen. Amen.

Be well, friend.
6

Romany on September 18, 2012 at 02:05

Mori, After many months of reading every new post to come up on your blog, I feel that it is time that I perhaps express my gratification and appreciation. Thank you so much for what you do and thank you for finding a means to share it with the rest of us.
Seriously though, when I am a bit depressed, I read some of your blog. It’s not like you do not write about incredibly depressing things. You do. And I can’t say that reading your blog is a happy-go-lucky pick-me-up. But it is like experiencing a deluge of unadulterated hope. And that hope means to/does for me so much more than some chipper anecdote. That hope is encouraging and inspiring.
So, for many selfish reasons and some unselfish ones too, I thank you.
7

jonnyadams48 on September 17, 2012 at 09:38

Hi, Moriel! Thanks for last year’s poem and for this year’s further thoughts. Apologies – I have been commenting as if we didn’t meet at Ras Al Amud a couple of weeks ago, but seeing you read last year’s poem, I find I was misled by your tiny photo. We did meet. I was glad to meet you then and even more glad now to have met you. I’m back in the UK (first day today – beginning to adjust). Hope our paths cross again soon. Jonathan
8

S. on September 16, 2012 at 20:45

You are definetely a wise young man. I was kind of puzzled by this happy new year thing which sounded kind of out of season to my very catho-european ears, but then I remembered of Rosh HaShanah (and all thanks to the “shanah tova” above.). I have been lurking here lately, reading about your IDF refusal odissey. I decided not to write any comment just because my english would surely be too bad to express throroughly how deeply do I respect your choice, notwithstanding all the hardships it will bring.

I was a fierce supporter of the two state solution before my journey there. Now that I have listened to people telling their stories, seen houses turned into a mess of rubble, looked into the eyes of tired old men and women being disrespected by kids with weapons, and, last but not least, noticed how caging someone else with bars and walls doesn’t mean you’re not in a cage too, I really feel much more disillusioned about the two state thing.
And I know how badly it hurts not to see any way out. But out of that pain can grow wisdom, and measurement, and love, and creativeness, and that strange kind of strenght of will which is born out of despair and allows you to hope when hope is dead.

Now I go back to my usual lurking. Shanah tova to you.
9

Moriel Rothman on September 16, 2012 at 13:06

thank you, friend. Shana tova to you. I miss you, and your wisdom and friendship, and hope that that you have a fruitful and love/justice filled year.
10

rotey6 on September 16, 2012 at 11:48

even though i’m distant, your posts help me feel close. shanah tovah. more justice. more love.